I learned to spell my name at the kitchen table with wooden letters.
I was told not to leave until I got it right.
It was confusing at first.
So I stared at the letters.
L
I saw a letter I recognized and a smile grew across my face
I tried to sound out the rest the way I was taught
As I sat there the letters started to make sense
and my name started to form.
Suddenly I had all 5 letters
All 3 consonants
And both of the vowels.
My identity was born.

9 years go by like the shooting star I’ve been making my wishes on.
I’m standing in front of that same table.
In that same kitchen
But everything’s different now.
And I’m wishing I couldn’t hear them,
Screaming like they’ve lost their minds.
Roaring like thunder
Rain falls from my eyes and soaks my cheeks
As the storm that’s been waiting in the air for 13 years finally pours down.

3 years later I’m still picking up the pieces.
And I’m too naive to realize that they’ve been destroyed for too long
and I can’t put them back together.
But maybe if I stare long enough I’ll see something familiar.
Something I recognize.
Maybe if I look hard enough I’ll find myself again.
Maybe if I sound out the letters
F
A
M
I
L
Y

Maybe I can make it okay again.