it feels wrong to attempt
writing a poem using a pen
but there’s a sense of peace
in knowing that some things
cannot be changed

I trace these shapes
risking ruining it
but does it matter
I’ve turned it into rats
and ghosts

rewinds and close-ups
choreographed dance steps
sparkles and music
is anything ever childish?
or is everything else just boring?

I feel envy when i see you
be so unapologetically yourself
so shiny, so different
from me

I feel envy when I see her
laugh at jokes that I don’t find remotely funny
being so awkward
but so okay at the same time

it makes me look forward to the time
I can fall in love with myself
in the same way