No one has picked up for weeks. They are home, but no one has picked up. Not an email returned, nor a text acknowledged. I ****** up. I know. But why won't anyone, anyone answer me...
I can only contemplate so long in a dark room. My sulking is repetitive. I'm guilty. I admit it, and freely so. She died at my house, my party, my birthday, my drink.
Accident's happen. Can't anyone see that? Can't anyone see I'm not a murderer? Can't anyone just UNDERSTAND? All I want is for them to understand. All I've wanted is for someone to say okay, I get it. Is it so hard? I asked god. I've asked every waking moment with every twitch of my being if anyone could understand. I guess I know his answer. I guess silence is another word for no. For you don't deserve it. For ******* for trying. For get off the ground. For move on.
But I can't move on. I can't see over the lip of my hole. I can't move I'm prostrated here bound and gagged… by chains. My words have all escaped me. I can't even speak. I try to splutter a word and nothing happens. I can only think now, and even that is becoming beyond my ability. The disjointedness is enclosing.
I wish i could apologize. Just answer for me to apologize.
No?
No.
Oh well.
Ignorance is bliss, knowledge is power, and insanity is safety
Insanity is my true shelter the true zenith of insight. So I'll slip and I'll fall through the hole into the disease. At least its touch is awaiting; at least I will have warmth.
good morning...?