I don't worry about others
In always being 2nd I found true loneliness
Not being the one people come too
Being told 2nd hand information
Telling me a story after you told someone else, don't want it
Why bother?

I regret ever thinking I could leave my box
At least there I wasn't lied too
At least there I wasn't lied to about being 1st
What a mistake

Box is safe
Secure

I think about the choices I made and don't even know myself
My judgment keeps shifting from neutral to having compassion

Days I shrink down to existing
At midnight my chest is tight and hard to breathe
In the silence, I give up fighting