The nurse said
she's outside on the lawn
don't take her out
to the pub though

she's been banned
ok
you said
and trotted out

to the lawn
through the double doors
of the hospital
to where Julie

was sitting in a chair
by a white table
smoking
she was clothed

in a white dressing gown
and slippers
she sat with one leg
over the other

with one of her elbows
resting on the knee
did you bring me
any more ciggies?

she asked
when she saw you
yes
you said

and passed her the packet
you'd bought
at the railway station
thanks I am getting desperate

she said
I was on the point
of offering myself up
for a smoke earlier

but one of the porters
gave me one for nothing
cigarette that is
she said smiling

she put the packet
in the pocket
of her dressing gown
the nurse said

you'd been banned
from the pub
along the road
you said

Julie looked towards
the ward doors
which were open
to let in

the afternoon sunlight
and warmth
someone gave me a joint
and the landlord saw

and chucked us both out
and said I was banned
she inhaled deeply
on the cigarette

you saw how thin
she had become
her wrists seemed too thin
to hold her hands

she exhaled
now I can't have a drink
or **** or blow
my ****** nose

she ranted
looking at the horizon
of hospital buildings
and trees and sky

sorry about that
you said
not your fault
she said

I should have been more careful
should have said no
to a smoke of that ****
but I couldn't

she inhaled again
and you saw her thigh
where her dressing gown rose
as she moved her leg

it too had become thinner
are you eating properly?
you asked
you're becoming

like my father now
she said puffing out smoke
when he turns up
that is

you're thinner
you said
the hospital food is crap
she said

I'd rather starve
than eat some of it
she stubbed out
the cigarette ****

in an ashtray
on the table
looks like you have
you said

have you come to talk
about how thin I've become?
or to cheer me up?
to cheer you up

you said
she looked towards
the open ward doors
they've locked that cupboard

we went in last time
she said
do they suspect anything?
you asked

I guess so
she said
some of the nurses
make hints about it

call it the love room
just because they have a life
they deny me of one
you took out a cigarette

from a packet you had
in your pocket
and offered her one
and take one yourself

she lights hers
with a red lighter
then lights yours
you both sit smoking

sitting in silence
watching the smoke rise
she thinking
of another place to ****

you wondering how far
she'd fallen
from her middle class home
through drugs at some party

and the long ride down
the slippery *****
she thinking of no ***
no ***** no dope.