What a colorful and
Unhealthy thing I have
Had the
Roundabout
Thought process to
Concur that I’ve
Ensured my own
Security by
Planning my
Escape route through
Trying to conclude
How I’d
Press you out
Of the corners of
My mind that are
Already steeped in
Love potion
Number nine

What am I
Trying to prove?
Why do I have the illusion
That you would be so
Easy to remove?

It wouldn’t be a
Simple wash cycle
It would require a
Deep clean to
Strip you from me
Like fruit punch
Spilled on
My shirt at a kid’s
Birthday party
Making myself
Messy with you
Was way too
Much fun for my
White tee to handle
I’d do it again
Just to have the
Faded pink cotton
As a reminder

But why do I always
Think I’ll have to launder
You out of me?
Why do I,
In hard times,
Scare myself into
Thinking we’ll
Never last?

Am I preparing
Myself not to
Get hurt?
Because of how
Deep I’m already
Falling into and for you?
Why do I fear you
will push me away too?

It took a
Bottle of champagne
In between
Tiny sips of
Tequila
For me to whisper
That I loved you
In your ear
I pulled away and
Looked in your eyes
While I felt the
Room spinning and I
Told you I meant it
It wasn’t because
I was drunk or
That you kissed me
In a way
That made me forget
I was surrounded by people

It’s that I thought
The same thing sober
And celibate
Long before
My lips
Let me say it
And I let it go
In that moment
Even if I didn’t know
How you would react

I got messy then too
But you mopped me up
Held my hair
As I threw up
Put my clothes on
Kissed my head
And tucked me into bed

And yet I still try to retreat
Out of fear
How do you sense
My wobbling knees
And pick me up to
Draw me near