he thought he was supposed to be a rapper
or a writer
or a gangster
a multi millionaire in some capacity
and maybe it was true
he always talked about leaving a legacy
because he wanted to live forever and couldn't figure out how
but you leave a legacy when someone loved you
like I did
you leave a legacy when an artist loved you
like I did
because you're in my songs
and you're in every other love I've ever had
it's all connected
maybe people aren't that special
or maybe it makes them more special
because each person you meet is an opportunity to connect with the whole world
and the divine

I think I have accepted that I miss the touch
I miss it enough to make a change
if a love is real they will accept you for who you are
but I'm not worried that that doesn't exist for me
I know it does
so I must be scared of something else
I think I'm scared to give up on my dreams
because I don't know what they are
and trying to hold onto them is like reaching for a bundle of a dozen
invisible balloons

I thought I was supposed to be a singer
a writer
an actress
a director
an artist in some capacity
never cared to be a multi millionaire
but I didn't realize what being broke felt like
it feels like running on a treadmill
it feels like using your breath to inflate a dozen invisible balloons as they pop as they expand

and I want to go back to england
and I want to move to new york
and I want to give it all up and live on the beaches
and I want to stay right here in Tennessee forever

and I think I want to do it alone
but I don't want to go insane
I'm not too worried of what people will think
of a girl who spends their whole twenties alone
I'm worried what it will do to me
but im worried what a relationship will do to me more
the first fear its gaining
and I think it's more reliable
because frost slept on the road most traveled
the road more often travelled

but I guess I can take comfort in that poem
he said it made all the difference
in a good way I can only assume