i have long since
closed
the book that i desperately
attempted to pen
about "us"

there never was an "us";
there was me,
desperately in love,
clinging to to someone who did not
feel the same

there was me,
foolishly thinking that someday,
in another world, in the future,
whenever,
that things could change

they will not change

i am not
the girl that you seem to seek
i have tried, for three
long, hard years,
to fit that mold

as i come to terms
with who i am,
with what i believe,
and with where i am going,
you do not quite fit

and that is not a harsh truth,
but honest reality;
we are on different paths,
heading to different loves
and to new lives

i have not wasted my three years
that i have so carefully
handed my heart to you,
and let you stomp me into
pieces

but i have realized
that another day spent
fooling myself
into believing that we are fated
is another day lost

in this world, i cannot afford
to throw away
precious time just to
write of how your eyes sparkle
when you smile

and so,
it is with a great struggle
with the girl who still believes in
a false dream, and the girl who knows
there is more

that i must, finally,
admit the truth to myself;
there is no "us",
and there never
was.

but i still hope that you have
a wonderful,
full,
wish fulfilling,
life

farewell,
first love, first heartache,
and the only one that i
would have stayed
in Hell for.