there's a word for this,
i'm sure,
some way to describe this feeling
(without needing to write a poem)

it's so sweet
so soft
so secure
if i could hold it, i would
(i want to wrap myself inside this feeling)

but also
i'm
scared
terrified
(to be honest)

security comes with a price
does it not?
or maybe
an expiration date?

but i can't help it
can't stop my mind from planning a future
picket fences, pools
someone to watch my bag at the airport
(someone to hold my bag at the airport)

maybe it's dumb
(it probably is)
but
(for the first time)
i'm not going to worry about it
not going to think about the fall
how there's nothing to cushion the inevitable blow
and i'll just breathe
smile
relax into this even more
keep trying to find a word to fit this feeling
almost euphoric?
(but maybe not)
like pieces finally fitting together
(we'll see)