ya know, despite everything I think we are doing okay now. Nevertheless we had a rough couple of years... well I know I did.
you know, we were just so damned young back then and it made all the sense in the world that we would just break up and go our separate ways because the alternative would have been difficult. I remembered you disagreed with me. But my actions were super logical and they made sense I needed to make something out of myself... and you were unable to come with me due to our respective circumstances.
Can you imagine that I had the nerve to think I was being the noble one for leaving. For letting you have your life while I go off and try and get mine in order. I suppose if you met someone and were happy then I suppose that was accomplished... I really hope that is the case... But in truth i was not being noble. I was being this guy that I to some extent still am, the guy that gave up on the person that hands down made me happier than I have ever been before or since...because... I didn't believe that I deserved happiness... not like that...
I am definitely getting my stuff together finally, I'm about to graduate pretty soon with my degree in psychology and hopefully that leads to further degrees and a good job with some benefits and a house and a life that brings me and many others around me happiness...
But even still I know on some level that the driving factor behind everything I do is to prove to myself that I can become a man that deserves you...
So in some bittersweet way I write this to say... Thank You...you made me everything I am today