ya know, despite everything I think we are doing okay now. Nevertheless we had a rough couple of years... well I know I did.

you know, we were just so ****** young back then and it made all the sense in the world that we would just break up and go our separate ways because the alternative would have been difficult. I remembered you disagreed with me. But my actions were super logical and they made sense I needed to make something out of myself... and you were unable to come with me due to our respective circumstances.

Can you imagine that I had the nerve to think I was being the noble one for leaving. For letting you have your life while I go off and try and get mine in order. I suppose if you met someone and were happy then I suppose that was accomplished... I really hope that is the case... But in truth i was not being noble. I was being this guy that I to some extent still am, the guy that gave up on the person that hands down made me happier than I have ever been before or since...because... I didn't believe that I deserved happiness... not like that...

I am definitely getting my stuff together finally, I'm about to graduate pretty soon with my degree in psychology and hopefully that leads to further degrees and a good job with some benefits and a house and a life that brings me and many others around me happiness...

But even still I know on some level that the driving factor behind everything I do is to prove to myself that I can become a man that deserves you...

So in some bittersweet way I write this to say... Thank You...you made me everything I am today