Mar 2014
All my life I've wondered, but I couldn't tell you what about
It's not because it is confidential, but because it was everything
and I still don't know what everything is.
I was infected with a restlessness the world had no cure for.
We humans each have a mind that loses things, but nothing ever falls out,
a brain that is more hungry than our stomachs.
We want to know it all, but if we did then what we do?
I think our minds might just call it quits because their hunger would be gone
I would sit and watch, waiting for something, but I didn't know what it was
out of Psalm 27:1 A light came through the cracks of the jagged wood. It ran in streams along the walls and flooded the floor. It was like no light I'd ever seen before, but at the same time there was something so familiar about it. It was as if I'd known it a long time ago and now couldn't quite remember. There was just something about it that caused me to become helplessly stuck. It was so completely unique that I wasn't helpless due to a forceful overtaking laid upon me against my will. I was helpless because I let myself be. I left myself there and didn't help myself because I wanted to be taken captive by Him. I willingly let Him hold me and keep me and take me because there I have happy peace in a sure hope.
We run after the sun, following the light. We chase down the day because God is like nothing we've ever seen before and once you've seen God you never want to have to tear your eyes away. If you are wondering if there's more you haven't seen God. There's always more of Him. His endlessness is so satisfying and so daunting both at the same time. No more thoughts of frightful possibilities. No more uneasiness of uncertainty. No more confusion. We see clearly now. We are finally at peace. The truth is before us. Freed of the abyss of darkness, we no longer have to fear the pain of moving in the dark and the crashing and bumping into of things. We don't have to be afraid of our ignorance now. Light tells me where to go. It is beautiful. The light gives me purpose. I no longer have to wander around stumbling, trying to find my way and probably just going in circles the whole time. It is my hope and peace even in the face of death that the light is always with me. Even when I may not see it I know it's there and its picture I hold ever present in my mind and it is painted on my soul. It's like God is to be feared because so much of Him is still unknown to us, but at the same time just to be alive means He's always been there whether or not we've been aware ..and when we finally look at Him it's like that's when it hits us "There's something so familiar about Him. We realize that the restlessness inside us was all for Him, for home, where we came from."
I have truth. I have someone to trust and believe in. I am safe. I can rest. Fear had made me its slave and I was always so tired. I was alone. Now thanks be to God He has given me His arm to lean on. He keeps my mind clear of doubts and fearful wonderings. I can see, but what does that mean? No matter what He will keep me because He wants to and He won't change His mind about that. He simply won't. I don't have to be afraid because God does everything for me because He loves me, He values me. The most touching part is that unlike most others He doesn't love or value me for Himself, but He loves and values me for me. I never have to be scared of anyone or anything. I know I am secure with the only one who has all the power, might, and strength. He has victory over everything, but He doesn't force anyone.
All I want is to stay here with you. We were meant to live in the light with it shining into our pours. Illuminating our insides we are warm and we can finally see who we are. I have a prayer and it goes above all the rest. I just want to go home and stay there. Home is you.
Psalm 27:1 The light keeps me safe. It won't let me stumble and hurt myself. It keeps my mind focused and clear. It keeps my vision secure. It gives me something to run after. It keeps me safe from the cold where I become stiff. It keeps me growing. It keeps me alive. It protects me. It keeps me from losing things like myself. I've realized sight equals life, so what good does it do when all I see is black? Is there a difference between blindness and darkness? Who is there that knows we are meant to see? Who will chase after vision?
Psalm 27:2 I am not afraid. Who I am is empty of fear. Fearless is who I am. I live in a place where fear cannot grow because of the light
I know that even if the most heartless people came after me to hurt and try to **** me, they would only trip and fall. They might hurt me, but you heal me. They might take this temporary breath, but that doesn't scare me because I have you. Though I don't completely understand why sometimes you don't stop these from happening in the moment, I'll still keep clinging to you, my hope. I'll still keep believing You only love me. The unending life I find in you is what my eyes will stay locked on. It is possible that this may happen, but still I'll trust in you, God. Who I am will not be snuffed out because I am in Your hands.
Psalm 27:3 Though the world may sink into the bottomlessness of war's thirst for blood, though I may be surrounded by armies still my trust will stay in you. I won't let my heart slip into fear and I know you never will. You will never let me go. I KNOW YOU AND YOU ARE BIGGER THAN IT ALL. You have the heart and the arm to guard me always, completely. You call yourself mine. Fear can't hold me anymore. I've risen above it all because I am alive in God.
Psalm 27:4 The pull is too strong. You don't force me in, but there's nothing that could make me turn back because there's nothing like YOU, the star maker.
There's nothing else. The only thing is to stay here. so I ask you, "would you keep me?"
Too late to turn back now. I'm running all the way home. No matter how long it takes, how hard the road is, I will make it. I just have to. My veins screams out your name over and over again. It goes rushing down into my legs inspiring them to move. You move me like nothing else not even myself. Let's not waste a single second being apart because me without you is a waste of time. And wherever you live I want to be there too. I want to come home. Let me stay here with you. The deepest hunger was awakened in me. ..to dwell with the beautiful one. If only I could see, really see Him as He is. For our eyes the rest of us becomes weak. I never realized how sight is so important that we can't live without it. We need vision as much as it's always been that thing that holds all of us fast.. because when we are looking at something it gets inside. No man could ever look at something and be completely untouched or he would have to be made of stone. We don't recognize our heart and souls lifelong dream until we see it outside ourselves. We didn't even know it because we didn't know ourselves. We didn't realize that by turning God away we, ourselves, went with Him. We had to because He is where we come from. When I abandoned Him I also left behind myself. He's caught my eyes and all of me. I keep getting glances through fog, but I'm just not sure. From what I can tell, this man is nothing like the rest of us.
I am completely compelled, completely free, by my own heart to give all of myself to You, for You with every moment. Don't let distractions exist. You always have been my friend. You've always been so good to me. Encounter me every day of my life. I know you are more than I can comprehend so please let me see you. Here. Now. I wait. And I wait and I will keep waiting until you show me yourself. And I'll take you as you are, doing my best to not let offence in when I don't get you and not ever trying to change you. To simply be is life and no one can be without God. By His side we never have to stop finding the sweet flow of peace. Here is where I find freedom. Before I let Him show himself to me I tried to be but it always felt empty and pointless before. As if it were a waste of time and instead of freedom, peace, and life I used to find myself instead trapped in a swirl of chaos and confusion dragging me down. How could anyone who is awake ever be satisfied with less than forever? I don't understand it. I could never live for only this life. Don't you feel restless in the shortness of it all? ..when you feel something deep down in your soul start to vibrate, when you look at the sky full of lights and forget to breathe. I could never be content until I met God. How can all we know exist by accident and for no purpose. What is life if it is meaningless? In't there always something about the untouched and breathtaking earth that made you know there was something behind it, something more than accident. And didn't it haunt you to know? God is so beautiful that we get one foggy glance and fall in love completely and we've only just begun.
In trouble, in times of joy I still feel Him holding me.
You pull me back into the secret place and lift my head up from this mess and the look on your face raises me up. You are faithful. That rock below my feet is attached to me now.
Psalm 27:5
I'd forgotten what it was like to not be in trouble
I asked, "What does it feel like to be healthy? What is peace?"
and I saw you reach out
Opened up, took me in
It was so beautiful there
I was standing beside a fire
in the warmth my worries and woes melted
We live, we breath perfect peace
He'll keep me here
No more running for fear
Higher, higher until the polluted ground is out of sight and I'm weightless in a cloud forest.
Safe, I'm like gold to you, but irreplaceable
there's a place that we keep secret ..an intimate home
though all that you are is more than an ocean
You keep me, higher than everything else and immovable
Nothing can shake me now
When all I could see were the bloodthirsty wolves with their fangs
I sunk. Hopeless was the name of that place
because there was no escape
but I never thought to look up until you touched my face and lifted my head until the only thing I saw was the endlessness of your care for me
I'm never going to look down again. ever.
I will give Him myself
I've never known joy like this until my will I abandoned to Jesus
I couldn't help it..my heart had already left for Him
no longer could I keep closed my lips
out flowed all the things I know and love of Him
they're just wimpy words
but when He heard
He put them in His heart
to never let them go
Psalm 7 and 8
I know You've always been listening. You never stop
So I cry and I never knew my voice could be so strong
All of me falls in front of you
One word comes up from inside
from somewhere deeper than I knew I had
It pulls with it everything I've been given,
"Mercy"
You said "come find me"
I said "ok"
That's where this starts.
It's not because it is confidential, but because it was everything
and I still don't know what everything is.
I was infected with a restlessness the world had no cure for.
We humans each have a mind that loses things, but nothing ever falls out,
a brain that is more hungry than our stomachs.
We want to know it all, but if we did then what we do?
I think our minds might just call it quits because their hunger would be gone
I would sit and watch, waiting for something, but I didn't know what it was
out of Psalm 27:1 A light came through the cracks of the jagged wood. It ran in streams along the walls and flooded the floor. It was like no light I'd ever seen before, but at the same time there was something so familiar about it. It was as if I'd known it a long time ago and now couldn't quite remember. There was just something about it that caused me to become helplessly stuck. It was so completely unique that I wasn't helpless due to a forceful overtaking laid upon me against my will. I was helpless because I let myself be. I left myself there and didn't help myself because I wanted to be taken captive by Him. I willingly let Him hold me and keep me and take me because there I have happy peace in a sure hope.
We run after the sun, following the light. We chase down the day because God is like nothing we've ever seen before and once you've seen God you never want to have to tear your eyes away. If you are wondering if there's more you haven't seen God. There's always more of Him. His endlessness is so satisfying and so daunting both at the same time. No more thoughts of frightful possibilities. No more uneasiness of uncertainty. No more confusion. We see clearly now. We are finally at peace. The truth is before us. Freed of the abyss of darkness, we no longer have to fear the pain of moving in the dark and the crashing and bumping into of things. We don't have to be afraid of our ignorance now. Light tells me where to go. It is beautiful. The light gives me purpose. I no longer have to wander around stumbling, trying to find my way and probably just going in circles the whole time. It is my hope and peace even in the face of death that the light is always with me. Even when I may not see it I know it's there and its picture I hold ever present in my mind and it is painted on my soul. It's like God is to be feared because so much of Him is still unknown to us, but at the same time just to be alive means He's always been there whether or not we've been aware ..and when we finally look at Him it's like that's when it hits us "There's something so familiar about Him. We realize that the restlessness inside us was all for Him, for home, where we came from."
I have truth. I have someone to trust and believe in. I am safe. I can rest. Fear had made me its slave and I was always so tired. I was alone. Now thanks be to God He has given me His arm to lean on. He keeps my mind clear of doubts and fearful wonderings. I can see, but what does that mean? No matter what He will keep me because He wants to and He won't change His mind about that. He simply won't. I don't have to be afraid because God does everything for me because He loves me, He values me. The most touching part is that unlike most others He doesn't love or value me for Himself, but He loves and values me for me. I never have to be scared of anyone or anything. I know I am secure with the only one who has all the power, might, and strength. He has victory over everything, but He doesn't force anyone.
All I want is to stay here with you. We were meant to live in the light with it shining into our pours. Illuminating our insides we are warm and we can finally see who we are. I have a prayer and it goes above all the rest. I just want to go home and stay there. Home is you.
Psalm 27:1 The light keeps me safe. It won't let me stumble and hurt myself. It keeps my mind focused and clear. It keeps my vision secure. It gives me something to run after. It keeps me safe from the cold where I become stiff. It keeps me growing. It keeps me alive. It protects me. It keeps me from losing things like myself. I've realized sight equals life, so what good does it do when all I see is black? Is there a difference between blindness and darkness? Who is there that knows we are meant to see? Who will chase after vision?
Psalm 27:2 I am not afraid. Who I am is empty of fear. Fearless is who I am. I live in a place where fear cannot grow because of the light
I know that even if the most heartless people came after me to hurt and try to **** me, they would only trip and fall. They might hurt me, but you heal me. They might take this temporary breath, but that doesn't scare me because I have you. Though I don't completely understand why sometimes you don't stop these from happening in the moment, I'll still keep clinging to you, my hope. I'll still keep believing You only love me. The unending life I find in you is what my eyes will stay locked on. It is possible that this may happen, but still I'll trust in you, God. Who I am will not be snuffed out because I am in Your hands.
Psalm 27:3 Though the world may sink into the bottomlessness of war's thirst for blood, though I may be surrounded by armies still my trust will stay in you. I won't let my heart slip into fear and I know you never will. You will never let me go. I KNOW YOU AND YOU ARE BIGGER THAN IT ALL. You have the heart and the arm to guard me always, completely. You call yourself mine. Fear can't hold me anymore. I've risen above it all because I am alive in God.
Psalm 27:4 The pull is too strong. You don't force me in, but there's nothing that could make me turn back because there's nothing like YOU, the star maker.
There's nothing else. The only thing is to stay here. so I ask you, "would you keep me?"
Too late to turn back now. I'm running all the way home. No matter how long it takes, how hard the road is, I will make it. I just have to. My veins screams out your name over and over again. It goes rushing down into my legs inspiring them to move. You move me like nothing else not even myself. Let's not waste a single second being apart because me without you is a waste of time. And wherever you live I want to be there too. I want to come home. Let me stay here with you. The deepest hunger was awakened in me. ..to dwell with the beautiful one. If only I could see, really see Him as He is. For our eyes the rest of us becomes weak. I never realized how sight is so important that we can't live without it. We need vision as much as it's always been that thing that holds all of us fast.. because when we are looking at something it gets inside. No man could ever look at something and be completely untouched or he would have to be made of stone. We don't recognize our heart and souls lifelong dream until we see it outside ourselves. We didn't even know it because we didn't know ourselves. We didn't realize that by turning God away we, ourselves, went with Him. We had to because He is where we come from. When I abandoned Him I also left behind myself. He's caught my eyes and all of me. I keep getting glances through fog, but I'm just not sure. From what I can tell, this man is nothing like the rest of us.
I am completely compelled, completely free, by my own heart to give all of myself to You, for You with every moment. Don't let distractions exist. You always have been my friend. You've always been so good to me. Encounter me every day of my life. I know you are more than I can comprehend so please let me see you. Here. Now. I wait. And I wait and I will keep waiting until you show me yourself. And I'll take you as you are, doing my best to not let offence in when I don't get you and not ever trying to change you. To simply be is life and no one can be without God. By His side we never have to stop finding the sweet flow of peace. Here is where I find freedom. Before I let Him show himself to me I tried to be but it always felt empty and pointless before. As if it were a waste of time and instead of freedom, peace, and life I used to find myself instead trapped in a swirl of chaos and confusion dragging me down. How could anyone who is awake ever be satisfied with less than forever? I don't understand it. I could never live for only this life. Don't you feel restless in the shortness of it all? ..when you feel something deep down in your soul start to vibrate, when you look at the sky full of lights and forget to breathe. I could never be content until I met God. How can all we know exist by accident and for no purpose. What is life if it is meaningless? In't there always something about the untouched and breathtaking earth that made you know there was something behind it, something more than accident. And didn't it haunt you to know? God is so beautiful that we get one foggy glance and fall in love completely and we've only just begun.
In trouble, in times of joy I still feel Him holding me.
You pull me back into the secret place and lift my head up from this mess and the look on your face raises me up. You are faithful. That rock below my feet is attached to me now.
Psalm 27:5
I'd forgotten what it was like to not be in trouble
I asked, "What does it feel like to be healthy? What is peace?"
and I saw you reach out
Opened up, took me in
It was so beautiful there
I was standing beside a fire
in the warmth my worries and woes melted
We live, we breath perfect peace
He'll keep me here
No more running for fear
Higher, higher until the polluted ground is out of sight and I'm weightless in a cloud forest.
Safe, I'm like gold to you, but irreplaceable
there's a place that we keep secret ..an intimate home
though all that you are is more than an ocean
You keep me, higher than everything else and immovable
Nothing can shake me now
When all I could see were the bloodthirsty wolves with their fangs
I sunk. Hopeless was the name of that place
because there was no escape
but I never thought to look up until you touched my face and lifted my head until the only thing I saw was the endlessness of your care for me
I'm never going to look down again. ever.
I will give Him myself
I've never known joy like this until my will I abandoned to Jesus
I couldn't help it..my heart had already left for Him
no longer could I keep closed my lips
out flowed all the things I know and love of Him
they're just wimpy words
but when He heard
He put them in His heart
to never let them go
Psalm 7 and 8
I know You've always been listening. You never stop
So I cry and I never knew my voice could be so strong
All of me falls in front of you
One word comes up from inside
from somewhere deeper than I knew I had
It pulls with it everything I've been given,
"Mercy"
You said "come find me"
I said "ok"
That's where this starts.
