(pop pills
like you used to pop balloons as a child
eyes closed
tentative hands
face turned away
scared
of the explosion that follows)

they say you used to be so pretty
healthy, thick red hair with gold hightlights
bright blue eyes with brown around the pupil
lips that dispelled depression
with their curves

now they ask you why your hair
feels dead like a barbie doll's
why your eyes don't smile
why your lips curve
in a different direction

they ask you why you're alone
where's the boyfriend?
like that's some sort of
validation

so many different answers to one question
"so what're you up to this semester?"
i'm
trying to figure things out
hoping to transfer
taking a gap year
...again
hell i don't know
i'm just
******* around

are you ok
they keep asking
i laugh it off
"i'm awesome
how's the boyfriend
girlfriend
semester?"

(the ache in my head has made me mean
my birth was my validation
i don't need you)