They've moved on
I am stuck - oscillating
Moving and immobile
Cycling through memories
Nausea, pain, no relief
Suspended in a reality
They are unwilling to recognise
Better to hide behind closed eyes
To ensure their own pleasure
Can be chased
While I pray to porcelain gods
Begging for a break
Desperate for comfort
Terrified of connection
Clawing at intimacy
As if sure it will disappear if
I so much as blink
Their disbelief dragging along my collarbone
Their impatience lancing through my jaw socket
Their indignation sliding down my bicep
Their ignorance burrowed under my shoulder blade
Their dismissal coating my pelvis
That is what he put in me-
When he crossed that boundary
Forgotten latex in pursuit of self-gratification
No protection from the devastation
And they chose him.
Consequences that rip my skin
Decimate my identity
The violence of their abandonment is unrelenting
In its refusal to let up let me go let me be

It's never Just
It's never Only
It's always Ruin