i don’t need you to abide
now come inside
my mind
don’t be alarmed
at what you may find
coursing rivers, changing tides
up, down, around like roller coaster rides
climb up ladders, then down the chute
oh the universe
shoots down my pride, rapid fire
tears glide down my cheeks, slip n’ slide
like my *****
slip n’ slide
there’s my other ride
you can ride
if you’re tall enough
and get in line
anyways, jokes aside
looks like estrogen and oxytocin have arrived
oh **** again with the slip n-
nevermind
feeling love?
-DENIED-
convince my self i don’t need it
never have, never will
my heart has never yearned, not me
i’ve never pined
not on my watch
logic brain
like bad cop
in control total control
after all this time
won’t be undermined
by fleeting heartfelt sorrows

do horse tranquilizer to unwind
back to childhood, rewind
when you venture behind the conscious mind
they say love yourself! nope. tried.
they say you’re not fat you look fine!
but that never applied
obviously, they all lied
alas-
the above,
the below,
pitted on opposing sides

suffocate the heart
til she’s no more than a whisper
through all the ego noise
a murmur
heart murmurs-

{{
      now- in the latter, im speaking metaphorically
no, physically i’m good!
that’s a stretch
i’m fine!
i’m alive.
my heart chambers be pumping
still beating and bumping  
like my nostril
like heavy bass, chord progression,
switching keys
oh, back to my nostril
anyway, consider this a footnote
a brief aside
i’d appreciate your discretion
regarding my digression.
                                                           }}

sometimes i feel like i may be too kind
take care of everyone
while my own chaos brews
going all soft, falling in love
as if the stars aligned
but stars won’t align
when you’ve not aligned inside

i erased my self,
now i face my self,
in my mirror
all lined