I love the rain like I love the sun and the moon
and how I love coffee when it's warm out
or talking to you when I did something I'm proud of
and now that I think about it, I really don't think you know how you make me feel

it's not a cliche thing like the stars align when I see you or my breath stops because I'm so blown away
it's fear.
I shake and cry and breakdown I'm truly scared of you
but it's not in the monster under my bed kind of way or parent induced trauma
I'm just terrified of the way I feel around you
it honestly feels unnatural because I don't think someone's supposed to give me fulfillment? I don't think I deserve that at all but you give it to me and I can't even say thank you
you don't need to hear it.
I can't even tell you I love you because that right there are just three words that have less meaning than you
your ears deserve to be shut off and eyes torn out
I don't know how you stand to look and listen to me
like right now as you read this, how am I not insane to you?
and I can say I hate you because it's easier to say than the opposite
it's easier to say things that have no meaning versus one's that do and it's easier to know when I'm lying so to say I hate you means I love you
I love how you make me say false things
I'm lying over heels for you
and I don't know what could be more romantic that to establish my hatred that is nonexistent only for you to interpret it as "shes all mine"