The doctors tell me that
the headaches will get stronger
and the back and legs will not,
until I cannot stand or sit or walk.

I came back home,
but not to live a lie.
And everyone soon will know
I’m only here for a long goodbye.

I can’t tell my friends and parents’ yet,
I wish I could tell them all.
But I don’t want grieving
before grief becomes real.

Most of all, there’s one
who deserved the truth
I couldn’t give her.
A real goodbye, and not a lie

I wish I could have told her
why I just walked away.
Angry and broken-hearted
is less than she deserved.

But I do not have the time
to love her anymore
I only had the time
to help her unlove me.

And I can bear the thought
of dying alone, more than
watching the pain in her eyes,
watching me go.

Knowing she will heal from
a broken heart and life for her
will go on much sooner,
and that she did deserve.