‘What a waste’ I thought.
Forty five pounds on a next-day delivery ASDA shop and I just donated half of it to the toilet.
Two more days and I’ll be back on their website spending more in the hope it’ll last me longer this time.
See, the food is SO good…
For about fifteen minutes
And then it’s just regret.
It’s looking in the mirror at your protruding stomach and realising even the drain pipes need those calories more than you do.
And before you know it you’re running the bath taps and taking your rings off for the third time that day.
It’s the perfect solution when you think about it!
I can eat as MUCH as I want, whenever I want and lose more weight than if I ate nothing at all.
I have to steady myself every time I stand now,
And my face seems to have adopted a dull, grey complexion
But that’s a SMALL price to pay for the easiest method of weight loss.
That, and the marks on my knuckles that I renew so often I’m starting to wonder if they’ve scarred.
The stress of working an eight hour shift and not knowing if you’ll make it to the end without an ambulance being called.
The desperation when all your housemates are home,
Or you’re visiting family,
And you have to come to terms with the fact that,
‘No, you CAN’T eat the whole kitchen right now, no matter HOW hungry you are without seeing the whole kitchen on the scales the following morning’.
The little red dots that have accumulated around my eyes,
The random aches and pains,
The fear people will find out…
The WISHING they would just so someone would know how hard you’re trying.
Maybe the ‘easiest’ method was the wrong term.
But, still!
I can’t help but feel lucky that the pizza I just devoured won’t make it to my stomach like it will with my best friend.
The same satisfaction with none of the consequences.
You see,
I REALLY love food.

But I’m not supposed to until I’m thin enough that people think I deserve it.