for how else could i be haunted
months after you've gone?

at first
it stung
wandering through this world alone
after belonging to you for so long
every song cried out your name
i had to plug my ears for peace and quiet

and then slowly
and with tremendous subtleness
it got easier
the nights were not plagued with memories
i reclaimed the streets we once walked on
i created my own religion
away from you
and everything you reminded me of

i found solace in getting to know myself
when the host is gone, who is the parasite, really?
i climbed into myself and found
all the things you loved about me
and all the things you learned to hate

it takes a long time to forgive someone who broke your heart
but a longer time to forgive yourself for allowing it.
the heartbreak didn't scar me;
instead, it was like the time i sprained my knee
in the second grade
it felt like i was dying in the moment
until
weeks later
it didn't

and now the only reminder i have of that day is the soreness i feel every winter when it's cold
and my body remembers what my mind forgot