Fear of everything Fear of nothing To say I’m on the fence I’d be bluffing Maybe I should let it go entirely in its fullness And not have a type to rule with I wanna break down and cry If I tried to express it to someone they’d look at me in confusion and wonder why People see my emotions Cause I wear them on a sleeve And one gaze of my eyes makes the notion simple to receive I hate my self sabotage No matter how I go about it with my old tactics I try to dodge It’s so hard to let anyone in To let anyone know And the reason I am the way I am now Cause I never open up which leaves no room to grow I scared to take next steps but I don’t know how to say I’m scared to show affection besides just saying I care only to end up feeling a way I’m terrified to let someone love me let alone like me I’ll always find a way to **** yo the situation And then end up with feelings of invalidation Praying no one walks in to catch me with my head down And my eyes low which to others is worst than I frown I wish I brought my sidekick the ones who never let me down The perks the Xans the oxys the drift me to a place of no sound No frown No fervor on the ground If you could hear a heart break How loud would you have ached How SHOOKEn would the surrounding party be out of their state How would I soothe knowing it’s too late I’m sick but you know you knew The things you think are only in your head Do become true As if you could ever be that important A untypical mess is your assortment You never give anyone the space you see you any more than difficult Love to you the creature is mythical
What are you sorry for Why do you apologize It’s not like you’ll see me cry Just the disconnected look in my eyes Open for all to get it off your chest In which you’ll never understand my distress It takes so long to let go what I feel for a person The more I see you or the more I go without it tends to worsen Of how I see you and cherish the moment And think of the moment as if I could own it Of me being open to you Of me being vulnerable instead of blue Of all the time I wish we could spend But it’s my fault this is in the state it’s in
Here we go again A cycle that at this point has to be a type of emotional sin As my sub conscious can’t seem to let go This the part right here we hate the most As we say different person same reaction It hits the most when in the stage of retraction Myself to blame can’t I control my actions
Self sabotage In each situation no matter how I dodge With the invalidation of my feelings And no one knowing truly how I’m dealing Because I can’t articulate my words And speak them in ways that can be simply heard All I can do is harbor on them And bring them to the brim Of what it’s intended to mean It’s not what it seems On the fence off the fence Sometimes in between I want you but certain things turn me away Certain things that bring my past at bay It’s impossible for you to look at me separate from body And to be in my chest everyone looks at me oddly But no one understands And I want you to understand No one just wants me learn me a person And the more I try to explain the more the words worsen Because I know that not the case Always think of the things you say The good the bad and how I over think them anyway