sobriety, they say, is the best for a broken mind. and that's okay if you've been through it all. but if you haven't, how do we, the broken ones, understand that you're not lying?

i've tried to relieve the demons in my head from eating anymore happiness.
the section of my brain that once held happiness is slowly being minimised and that's why i'm not okay. do you understand?
i'll push you away. i'll act like i hate you. i'll think you hate me even though you've told me over a hundred times in one conversation that you love me.
and you'll say you understand, you'll stay that you'll be there through it all, but again, that's what everybody i've told says.
you aren't going to stick around forever with somebody that doesn't accept the love and the compliments you give them.
you'll soon see her as merely somebody you used to know. a human that cuts their own skin and tries to end their life because they can't take it anymore.
and when i'm gone, you'll say you "tried" but all you did was left.
you left me when i needed you.
when i was desperate for your embrace, you were gone.
you were with her.

(a.t)