And finally when the memories start to fade..
you get angry.
You get angry because you don't want them replaced.
You push away elements that try to make you forget what you were.
You still want everything that was special to remain special.
Afraid of change, afraid of another person becoming what that person was in your life.
You feel like a traitor, because somebody else is trying to make you feel the way he made you feel.
Question the very being of your choices,
wondering how he would take it if he was still here..
its scary
Scary to let a person deep into where he was in your life...
You struggle to keep your moments as yours only
that no activities with another person will match or pass his.
Its a struggle not to let go..
A struggle to keep what you loved and knew.
Because somehow you build the future in your head,
you wrote a story and he was always a top cast.
But now he hardly appears and somehow you always try and keep him in the script
And keeping away others who want to be part of that cast.
A struggle to hold on to what was,
Because that is what you have ever known,
what you have always known
Who you have ever known.