i wonder what they tell you about me..

as if they knew more about me than you did..

i wonder if they hate me..

i wonder what you tell them about me..

i wonder how you make me sound..look..

i wonder how you talk about me..

i wonder what you say..

i wonder how you paint me..

make me out to be..

i wonder if they convinced you to never let me in..

i wonder if they despise my soul..

i wonder if they convinced you to run the other way..

i wonder if they hate my heart..

i wonder if you do..

i wonder if they convinced you that i am a monster..

i wonder if you tell them i'm "just another borderline"..

i wonder if they want me out of your life..

i wonder if you do..

i wonder if they say i'm toxic, holding up your life..

i wonder if they say i'm an abuser, as if that's all i've ever been..

i wonder why you hate my boundaries, as if i should break them for you..

as if i should feel ashamed for having any..

i wonder if i have to cast aside my thoughts and values, just so you can be happy with me..

pretend i'm just like you, in every way, not different..

i wonder if i'll let you do what you want with me..just so you won't leave..

i wonder if i should remain silent, letting you take the lead..

no longer in sync, in step..just quietly trailing behind..

i wonder if my experience, thoughts, and emotions were ever really valid..

i wonder if they told you to ignore me..

i wonder if they told you to because it would be 'self-care'..

i wonder if they told you that it's kind to walk away the way you do..

i wonder if they told you it's cool to be cold to the one who wants your affection..

as if it would make me want you more..

i wonder if they encourage you to not think of me..

i wonder if they tell you to forget you ever met me..

i wonder if you agree..

i wonder how you feel..

i wonder if i will ever feel closer to knowing the truth..