He looks like an eternal night, but I have seen the rising sun of glory ascend over the hills of grace. I have watched as it vanishes like a sigh in a gentle clap of a storm. My time is up. My body aches. I am not who I am.
I have travelled far to take revenge on myself. I drift through dreams and reality. I’m here to take what’s mine and mine alone. If I could I would I’d rip all the wallpaper down, strip the room, stare at nothingness. It will remind me of the empty fields I look upon now. You are the one I see. I am nature, you are fate, he is creeping up on me. I am coming for both of you.
I have allowed myself to shake my arms and let my knees collapse. He whispers to me. He controls me. I cannot shake him, but I do not surrender.
I know I know my place, your face, his eyes in the dark. I can feel him move like rapid flashing photographs. We’re all here.
I can be a holy trinity too, an uncontrollable time bomb.
My chair rocks back and forth as my body aches. I am needy. I am meek, but I will not be week. I will look at myself in the mirror until he appears on the other side and grabs my head and smashes it against the mirror. I could confess, but confess nothing.
Once upon a time I was told about the Two. The Two sides, to every story, to every man, woman, and child. The discoverable entity, synchronicity, iontegrity...
Give your love to me.
I sigh because I vanish, I pine away because I echo.
My place in life is controlled by something some kind of someone, someone inside of me, some kind of force, the Two, the one, the other, oh God...I can not crawl into myself to scratch him out.
My Two lives, my iontegrity, control me. I live in both reality, and dreams, but which one is which when they’re are always red eyes behind your back that pat your shoulder, sending you into that inevitable shake.
If I could I would I’d tear myself away, starting over tomorrow, with or without you. But he will always haunt me. I may not win this battle with myself. I am not afraid, somewhere deep inside me how wants me to win, and I can’t give him what he wants, or else he does win.
I can slam doors and smash my hands against run-down desks. Fate is fate. Lock me away to deal with my insanity, my iontegrity, the entity that holds me...my time is up.
What’s best is best. I can still feel him tearing away, black glue seeping out….some kind of joke...this has to be some kind of joke…
I only wish, but still as I descend into my broken memories he’s still there.

In the end you’re so different that you’re completely the same.

I will go one, with or without your love, or support. I hope you understand, I really do. You must believe me, your breath soothes my soul. No crucifixion can repent me from this. I will not be treated as the vessel that holds the universe. For I have seen the rising sun of grace...I will go on. If I could I would tell this to you out loud and dream of an upstream morning to visit and get to the top of those hills. I will not sigh.
And so the temple crumbles down.
How beautiful this is, so darkly beautiful to be controlled by a shadow. He’s everything. Yet I can feel myself sinking in, oh God, I must go on. You must believe me...your breath….your hair...the sunrise...whisper to me, I find it comforting to know you’re near me. I am not an ambiguity. I am not empty. If I could I would I’d give this all away…

I am not ambiguous, even if iontegrity tells me so. I will be who I am, and take revenge on myself. I will not let myself be beaten down by the powers of the godly waves. For I may walk amongst a shadow, but to cast a shadow, there must be some kind of light.