just another day
that i'll marinate in the pain
that brings me all this heartache
and no matter what
i'm still a **** up
i'm still another disaster
so i'll marinate
in the savory tears
that won't stop rolling down my face
so i'll marinate in your voice
your horrible words
your careless face
so i'll marinate in the smell
of my mother's food
that I wont eat
because i dont want to be nourished
and I question if i want to live
i'll marinate in the grievances that i've listed time and time again
i'll continue to live this life
that i hate so much
that i question every day
and sometimes
the only thing that keeps me holding on
are the words of a singer who doesnt know that i exist
sometimes the only thing that keeps me holding on is him
but he's farther away every day
and i've loosened my grip
because it feels like someone is punching me from inside out
and the pain in my brain hurts so much
that i want to stab myself with an edge so sharp that this punching feeling
wont feel like anything
I hate myself
i hate everything that i am
i dont want to be here anymore
in this sea of fakeness
i want to be with people who understand
i want to rewind three months
but that's not possible so what's the point
**** my life
there are people who love me
and i wish
that i could love myself as much as they do
but no one understands that my lack of a mask is masking
my anger and despair and angst
that kills me more and more every day
that makes me want to take 50 pills instead
of the 1 that i'm prescribed
someone take me away
to a place where the broken souls go
everything I am is too shattered
there's no putting me back together
these shards of glass
have fallen so hard
that they can never be pieced together again