when I think of who you wanted and how it isn’t me
or maybe it was then but not now
not ever again. yellow dresses and cardigans.
flowers growing from my eyes. deep green November water washed against the snow.
I don’t remember who I was.
hands trace over memories that don’t feel like mine. summers spent in the sun without failing.
when I look at me I see nothing. blank, black
cold. maybe I don’t want to remember.
not anymore.