always hoping for the best
and expecting the worst,
i see the sadness in everything,
but i also the the beauty,
which is why
i laugh too hard, i cry too easily,
you will find yourself always asking me
either "what's the matter?" or
"what's so funny?"
and i will find silly answers for both
that will never suffice because
i never have any.
i am looking for them just as carelessly
as you.

and i think we both know
that you don't mean it when you say
"see you soon"
because how soon is now?
it's always later than sooner
for most things, anyway.
it's hard not to spend a lifetime
waiting wasting wondering
when something extraordinary is going to
come along, when you will stop feeling
like dry eraser remnants sprinkled across
an old writer's desk,
when you confront the fact
that you've always only ever been
a big and lonely mess
of please love me, please leave me, please show me
how to start being more and stop
being less.