i want to love you

i want to hold you during autumn by the fireplace

i want to cuddle you in the pitch black and know that i am safe

i see plenty
thousands
of people my exact age
with people they love
or they wanna spend
more time with
i ache
i want you so bad
but
who the heck
will you be?

i want to be so engulfed in you that i can’t speak to you
dream of you
or lay awake with you
cause my heart will burn
and cause the cream bedsheets
to become the same exact color
as the fire my heart contains

i want to be able to kiss you
in the midday rain
pieces of you fit in me
glued together

i want to be so far gone
that if you break my heart
i will throw a fit and tantrum
resorting back to who i was
at five or six years old

i want to talk to you for hours
upon hours
forgetting that time means
anything more than numbers
becoming so invested
that the words i write
can only ever be your name

i want to walk with you
in the gloom of the
three a.m
drunk hour
wasted on each
other’s smiles
giggling and chasing
after one another
like in a chic flic
dreaming in
radiant
and gorgeous colors
all over
our clueless yet
satisfied expressions

and all i really want is
to be able
to lay by
you
and not worry
about not making
a peep
be whole
be full
be you
around me
i didn’t sign up
for another
you are the only
you are you
and i am in love
with the ashes
and madness
and nightmares
and insignificance
and flashes
and outlandishness
and you
mr. beyond sadness
lay with me
in the hush
of the nighttime
your flesh
and mine
and only
two hands
holding the flow
together
you and i
once i have
no worry
or anxiety
that’s when
i know
you will
love me
unconditionally