1.18.22

When its all of this all at once
Holding it all in is not the answer

strength is not to bite my tongue
and erase an opinion that seeks to be expressed

I do not wish to be a nuisance to the world
But reality isn’t always beautiful
And that has to be ok right?

I mean, we can’t work towards our dreams
every. single. moment. right?

There’s of course distraction

And needing to belong to myself first
And needing to come home to myself,

and not looking for validation
Right?

And not judging others for needing that validation
And not trying to be perfect, or seemingly so

But also not spilling the oil, the tar
From my heart

The venom of being misunderstood

Not sharing that with those who do not see me fully
Whose presence in my house is strictly as visitor
I am able to escort them out when needed,
right?

But what to do when I forget I have the power to say no
What to do when I get so lost that my body feels numb

Each task, an impossible feat

What to do when I begin to break at the seams
What to do when I notice myself judging every single thing about others

I start to make stories about their imperfections trying to make myself feel better
What to do when this pattern ensues?

Accept life as it is sweet Gabrielle,
There is nothing to be done
It is not about surviving or getting through it
It is all there is
And this means that there will be pain
And it will hurt
And you will suffer
And that is truth
And that is reality
And reality is ok