standing within the thick warm fabric
in the bleak midwinter breeze..
no chill biting my bones this time..
the fever is settling within my violet veins..
i stare off into the distance,
looking at nothing in particular..
windchimes twinkling in the distance,
to the left and never heard again..
i close my eyes and let them rest a second..
i breathe in and exhale with parted lips..
hoping that when i open my eyes,
this will be only a bad dream..
but the ache still lives within every corner and crevice
within my beating heart..
an airplane crosses overhead,
blinking red and orange..
i thought it was a lantern,
the kind i wanted to release into the painted sky with you..
the lamp post shining a little too brightly,
the way it had once shown onto your moonlit face
when you were still with me..
when will you stop hating me?..
i ask myself every day you look away
but still tell me i'm yours..
what do you feel when you see me?..
surely it couldn't be the same things i do
when i see you..
i pretent you read these..
i pretend you know when i'm there..
i pretend you love me..
i pretend it doesn't still hurt..
i pretend you still stare..
when will this be over?..
i can't wait..
whether it'll be an ending or just the beginning,
i can't wait to know the truth..
for now i dance by myself..
for now i sing to no one..
for now i write to anyone who will listen..
for now i walk the same paths without you by my side to explore them..
for now i sigh with no one to feel them..
for now i cry with no one to hear it..
for now i live without you, and i'll just have to bear it..