i haven't washed my hair for three days..

it isn't like me..

you've hated me for three months..

it isn't like you..

is this the new normal..the way i'm supposed to live..

live with all of the what if's and possibilities and how things could have gone differently..

i'm leaving soon and i will try to tell you..but you will say you "can't talk"..

i will be gone and will you be sad?..

will you remember my kindness..my mess..the beautiful parts of me as well as the ugly, deep, and dark...the way i was always so excited but too shy to show it sometimes...the way i was so sensitive and didn't know that that was my biggest strength...the way i was so protective over you because i never wanted to lose what we had..

the way you would make everyone laugh to distract them from noticing how hurt you really were...did anyone else see you the way i saw you?...the way you'd sigh, never knowing i could hear them...the way you'd walk to your car with your hands in your pockets, eyes never straying away from the sidewalk...lost in your spiraling messy mind-spaghetti-thoughts...the way you shivered when you told me you weren't cold just so you could be there for me when i needed you...the way you carried me to the car...i should have held you tighter...longer...pressed your lips against mine and told you how i really felt about you...maybe you would still be here if i had...

the way we would look at each other from across the room and know exactly what the other was feeling without a single word needing to be said...the way we'd pause between kisses..lips slightly parted..you were my oxygen..

will you feel the hole in your chest the way i will?..

will you feel my absence?..

will you see me when you look at the peach and periwinkle clouds..

will you see me when you see those tiny white flowers on the side of the road..

will you see me when you see white cars passing by on the road while you drive home after long exhausting work days..

will you see me when you hear "Slow Dance In A Parking Lot" playing in the background while you eat with your friends at Texas Roadhouse..

will you see me?..

will you see me the way i will see you..

will you?

will you . . .