i pry myself from my bed.

i skip the shower
and i wash my face with only water.

i brush my teeth
and tie my brown hair back
with that small beige hair tie
i let you borrow that one day..

i lay down in the soft lights . . .
drowning in thick, heavy blankets.
a single tear falls from my left eye,
streaming down my flushed cheek,
and pools in my ear..

i sit up..
unable to breathe.
sweat covering my back...neck...chest...arms...legs...all of me..
praying this was only a fever dream.

trying to accept a painful truth.
he does not want me
he does not want me. . .

i lay back down..
forever in my dreams
and never to be next to me again..

i want to be there..
but you made me feel so bad
for feeling everything as hard as i do..
one thing i thought you loved about me. . .

my heart is running off of fumes..
i won't be able to make it..
it's been through an unspeakable journey
for you...because of you...and with you...
waiting to feel like you want to protect it...
but you can't protect it from yourself.
i want to protect yours from all the hurt this world wants to do unto it...
but i cannot protect yours from myself either . . .

but what comes next?...
what will we do now...
what will happen next...
and what are we now?...