i'm scared i'm not your safe space anymore..

afraid i no longer feel like home for you..

(home should feel safe...comforting...warm...and familiar..
only now you make me feel damaging...uncomfortable...cold...& unfamiliar..)

~~~

deprived of your gentle touch..

the warmth of your ivory skin,

violet veins beneath the surface..

(was it all a facade?..
i thought i knew which was which..
"i feel like you don't know me . . .)

~~~

i feel pale.

fevered flushed cheeks; a warm cinnamon..

celestial confetti decorates my skin..

i yawn. sleepily walking through a soiree..

i look for you.

but i can never find you anymore..

i reach out my hand and . . .

~~~

. . .i fall to the forest floor..

it's quieter than usual.

snowflakes drifting down, lightly dusting the frosty limbs..

the bridge we once crossed, what was on the other side? . .

~~~

am i really afraid of losing you?

or am i afraid of losing them?

or am i only afraid of losing myself . . .

~~~

which is worse?

i ask myself:

mourning the loss of a loved one who is no longer with us..

or mourning the loss of someone who is still breathing, loving & living on somewhere without you?...