As I sit a puff on a cigarette,
I remember once a clarifying dream-
Of finding my way when lost.

A journey of wonder and choices,
But a day like today-
when I ponder,
I cant help but seeing it different.

Of no lights when I reach the end,
No hand to hold-
When I reach a bend in the road.
Of a haunting darkness,
To which no God can illuminate.

The curve of an eyelash,
the accelerated beating of a heart,
the aching in my soul-
that makes me wonder if any of it is real.

Or gasping for air-
Under the crushing blows of the waves,
Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.

For once I dreamt and felt,
but now I only wreak of panic,
and blind messes.