our eyes met today.
a familiar stranger..
i fell in love with your soul all over again..
and i'm sorry...
i'm trying to let you go,
for you, my love...
i keep telling myself
you didn't mean to look my way..
but it happened three times..
was it a mistake? . . .
was i? . . .

if there is ever a 'next time',
i will allow myself to linger...
i will allow myself to feel the hard ground beneath my feet and through my legs...
gravity pulling the weight of my body inwards towards the molten core of the earth..
feeling my breath quicken and become heavy..
i never knew a look
could shake me
the way ours do . . .

was it enough?
those few fleeting seconds..
was it enough to make you love me again? . . .

what do my eyes reveal?...
do you see my truth?...
could you ever love it...
want it...
or only leave it where you found it . . .

the time i wrote your name in the snow..
the necklace i would wear with a little golden "J"..
those nights i would graze my fingers across the paint strokes, thinking about you carefully placed each and every one..for me..
the cologne i bought just to wear when i missed your scent..
it was never enough . . .

all the music..
all the memories..
all the words..
all the glances..
all the stories..
all the thoughts..
all the laughs..
all the emotions..
all of the things we want to do...

all the things we once shared that was only between us..
how much of it is only between us?
what was all of it supposed to lead to?

will we ever get to dance beneath the drifting snow..
will i ever get to gently brush the soft falling snowflakes from your brow...
and kiss you beneath the pouring rain again?
i have forgotten the sound of your voice..
will we ever be a team?
will i ever get to protect you?...
will i ever get to make you mine? . . .

i look at you
and i try not to feel
the wounds reopening..
your last words to me
cut my chest open
and reminded me just how fragile i truly am..
only you can hurt me . .

i wait everyday
for the day you decide
you don't want me after all..
is that what i'm waiting for?...
could i ever be prepared
to watch you love someone else?...
what could ever prepare me . . .

"i know i'm not made in your likeness..
you're not made for my darkness"
but who will see me?..
and who will see you?...
have you found the one that was made for you?...
do you feel seen?
do you feel more...
do they love you better than i do?...
will they want to know what eats you up from the inside out?..
will they love your darkness?..
will they love it the way i do . . .