I’ve asked to die a thousand times
And yet you chose to take her
The first time I remember I was seven
And felt my mother was traitorous for telling my therapist
(Who had only just finished hearing that I was fine).
I asked again when I was nine.
My teacher and the nurse did not understand my anxiety.
I was made to feel as though I was
A bad child for having fears I could not control.
I have asked many more times
But eventually, I stopped asking and said,
Just take me when you want.
But you chose her.
I have to wonder,
Did she ask?
How could I know?
We met once or twice, but I could never pretend
To guess what was going on in her mind.
But I have to wonder why you took her
instead of someone like me.