i don't want to give up,
most times i desire to.

i believe in myself,
not really.

i want to keep trying,
yet i don't really want to.

i want to live,
yet part of me doesn't really want to.

it's either or.
i'm constantly fighting for neither, nor.

i am neither there,
nor here.

i have the strength,
i'm also truly exhausted.

i have the faith,
yet i doubt everything.

i have what it takes,
yet i refuse to believe that at times.

i am happy,
yet unexplainably sad.

all these people around me,
yet i feel so alone.

what a cliché,
it's all been said before.

i am good.
seems i am not good enough.

i am brave as a soldier,
yet most nights i feel so afraid.

so afraid that i sleep with the lights on,
to eliminate the black fog that consumes my soul.

it smothers me,
like a grim mist, from dusk til dawn.

i don't even know what frightens me so much,
the demons and monsters are only in my head, nothing under the bed.

i want to drink ale and sleep my sorrows away, forget it all,
yet i want to stay sober and awake to experience it all.

i'd like pills that numb all these emotions,
yet i want to embrace all these moments.

at times i wish for an eternal slumber, i wonder why i was even born?
yet i wish to appreciate the life so freely given.

i am calm and collected,
yet anxiety eats away at me in the dark.

night by night,
bit by bit.

i'm scared soon enough,
there'll be nothing left.

no body, no bones.
just dust and broken thoughts.

unwritten words,
unsaid feelings.

lost forever,
forgotten.

i hope they will discover,
that it was anxiety who did it.

anxiety and her companion, depression.
some will call it overthinking.

little do they know,
what the pair is capable of.

how do i strike a balance?
stuck in different dimensions.

one positive Peter,
the other, negative Nelly.

drifting back and forth,
feeling up, falling down.

swimming,
then drowning.

i yearn to dwell in the light,
yet i prefer the darkness.

seems my life is an oxymoron,
it's pretty ugly.

yet another cliché,
maybe i'm the *****.

maybe i don't see,
what's right in front of me.

a perfectly imperfect existence.
an unstable balanced mind.

maybe i am overthinking.
maybe i am normal.