Your mouth does brutal things to my heart,
and your eyes do awful things to my mind,
and your hands do agonizing things to my lungs.

And I know it's because I've given up.
That mind over matter has fallen away
and you're more there now
than you ever were when I was looking for you.

I wanted to know what you tasted like
in the morning
after you got home from work
at night before bed.

I wanted to know what you want to name your kids
if you want a lot of kids
or none at all
if you'll take them to Disney
or send them to space camp.

I wanted to know what you thought about everything
the republican party
the ******* Jeopardy! last night
the New York Yankees
the color yellow.

I wanted to know what songs make you feel like crying
like dancing
like wishing on stars
like staying with me forever.

I only wanted to know if you liked music
or drawing
or reading
or playing basketball
or watching old movies.

I wanted to find out if you liked cats
or dogs
or children
or parties
or board games
or sitcoms
or Chinese food
or
or
or..

My mind races because I realize I've imagined you.
My heart thumps and shatters because I see
you're not the person I thought you were,
not the person I created.

I wanted to know you.

I only wanted to know you.

And now you'll never know me.

You'll never know that I like dogs
and green tea
and laughing
and hanging Christmas lights
and cooking
and Gone With the Wind marathons.

You'll never know that I planned our wedding
named our children
picked out curtains for our kitchen
planned our first trip to the mountains
decided what to get your mom for Christmas.

And even if I created you
my perfect you
my flawed you
my funny, out of order, lost on the interstate version of you,
I fell for you.

I'll never know if you'd rather go dancing or stay in.
And you'll never know that I'd swim the ocean to hold your hand.

No.
No matter what,
you'll never know
how much I loved you.