6.9.21
I feel it everywhere all the time
Everything
And its like I can’t help but get overwhelmed
My behavior controlled by generations before

My finger a weapon
My body the target
When will I hurt less
When will the pain go away?

Hard times don’t last
But when they’re here they make up for every lost moment

Every moment I felt joy left lifeless
Every glimpse of light blown away

With just one glance,
One moment,
One story,

That’s the scary part
How quick, how easily, its all just blown away
Effortlessly into smoke,
Into oblivion

Like it never existed
Like I don’t exist anywhere but the pain
Like the pain is my new identity
Like I am exiled to spend the rest of my days inside of the ache

Nothing matters sometimes
When my body is my wallet
When the way I appear is who I am
I scrape every bit of confidence out of my mind
And I replace it all with shame

I do that sometimes
All the time
Forget who I really am

And then come back begging on my knees
Please take me back home
Please let me lay in your arms again
Ive had enough of the life I’ve been living
Ive had enough of the ache that takes hold
Drowns me while I’m still on the surface

In front of you
Watching you watch me drown
Watching you watch me
Drown