I guess I used to look at him like he put the stars in the sky, as cliché as that is.
I used to revolve around him, kind of like the moon orbiting earth.
I used to be too scared to kiss him or move or speak in his presence
Because he was this tall, graceful creature and I was anything but that.
He was full of wonder and mischief and I had always wanted to achieve that
(to this day I still haven't).
So I guess, that when he yelled at me and told me I was worthless I took it gladly
Because any words that fell from those perfect lips had to be true.
And I can still hear his voice and I can see his smile if I close my eyes and focus just enough
And I think that maybe I miss that more than I miss the times my mom would hug me.
But I guess, that when he cheated on me it didn't hurt as much because his words were like stepping on glass
And if I treaded too hard I would shatter them and
Truthfully, I was never good at stepping lightly.
So I took his betrayal in stride, adding more shards to my shattered collection.
And in the end,
I suppose that I left
And it wasn't for me or him or us or any of the reasons that I gave him,
But more so for the people who did love me and told me that he didn't.
It was more for the people that were disappointed in me,
More for the girl they told me they missed.
I guess that it was for them,
And how they told me he didn't love me
Even though I desperately held onto the words he said
Between kisses when it was dark
And all I could do was trace the outline of his face
And try to commit those words to memory in case one day he ran out of them.
So I suppose that in the end,
That song is right
And that two can keep a secret if one of them is dead,
Except we're both alive even though we tried not to be.
The only thing dead is our love
And the secret is that he never loved me.