I don’t understand my brain.

I have grown up with so much love in my life, I have been taught to be strong, independent, confident.
Yet I am always hunting for validation.

I place my self worth within other people and how I can make them feel, what I can do for them.

I know in my heart that I don’t need a man - I don’t need anyone to be happy.

But my heart just desires affection and intimacy and I cannot stop it.

I can feel it happening - I start overthinking their reply times, overanalysing change of tone. Wondering if they’re thinking of me - or another beautiful girl.

I just crave love and warmth, and I hate it when I hurt myself by setting my expectations to high. I break my own heart over and over again, because of someone who just doesn’t like me that much (and has no real reason to either).
I get so attached so quickly and it stings,
Burns my brain and dissolves my heart like battery acid.

I need to learn to give myself validation - I do know my worth and I love myself.
But somewhere deep in my subconscious I am screaming for someone to love me.

Maybe I just want someone to make me as happy as I make them?
Or maybe I just know what I deserve and it hurts to be treated as less.

I want to be a priority.
I want to be a best friend.
I want to be a confidant.
I want to be a lover.
I want to be a muse.
I want to be somebodies happiness, somebodies sunrise and sunset.