as I drift to sleep
every night, the same
fans whirring, not a meep
in the dusk, the night, the tame

I begin to wonder
and I begin to ponder
how I could deter
these thoughts of mine.

of the serenity
and the intensity
the calmness
and the soft embrace

as the lace of my mind
fades into time
and I remember, my kind
and hope they, benign

I wonder, and wonder
I wonder, and ponder
I wonder, and sunder
I wonder, and blunder
into a new kind of comfort

that the darkness I wish
that I want to dismiss
yet seems so delicious
despite the dread
that exists only
in my head

I think of the darkness
and of what sort of kindness
the end of my existence might bring
drifting into silence
with no malice, no chalice
no cup overflown

no words to express
the cozy love I condone
that might be known
if I just take the one step
and end it on my own.