I didn’t notice it coming closer until it was dark and there was no sign of stars. It’s suffocating. I feel my chest tighten and no matter how hard I try I can’t loosen it. I think I’m dying but I also think I might not care as much as I used to. It feels like a bad sign. I haven’t floated like this since last time around and it feels like a trend. I tried to break it but maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Or maybe I only tried to stop it because I knew it was coming. Like some ****** foreshadowing that you identify the first watch through but choose to ignore anyways for suspension of disbelief. I want to see the stars. Why can’t I see the stars. Where are they?

I sometimes forget nobody knows me at all. I don’t even know me like I used to, but I choose to ignore it. Suspension of disbelief. I can’t blame anyone but myself. Maybe I should talk more or maybe I should shut up for the rest of my life and rot like my body so desperately wants me to. I could be the stars if I tried. Or maybe if I stopped trying. Maybe if I let go I would float away into the sky and take their place.