everything i was

everything i stood for

identity pulled from me

turned inside out

disected all the wrong parts

placed in the hot spotlight

backed into the corner...

no one by my side

no one there as i fell & kept falling...

learned to be there for myself...

no more relying on anyone...

no more believing anyone...

voice taken from me.

words stolen.

thoughts no longer mine.

emotions never belonging to me.

forgot who i was...

nothing i could do or say...

lost myself...

all i wanted was to be happy again.

to be myself.

to love
& be loved.

i built my wall...my protection from others who would try to pull me down just to hurt me.

i'd never let anyone see that they got to me...

couldn't let anyone in...crashing into who i really want to be...vulnerable.

could you feel it?

could you understand why i am who i am?

crying the oceans into existence while you lived on...

made to feel like someone else...

made to feel like my trauma is my fault...

made to feel like my pain was because i did it to myself...like i wanted this...

stripped of all my happiness..

made to feel like i allowed myself to be taken..

always taken.

taken for granted.
taken advantage of.

what will be next?...

will you hte me?...

will you hte that i am not healed yet?...

will you hte that i need your hand?...

will you hte the very thought of me?...

will you shiver at the thought of me wanting to love you...