there are often times in my life that i wish to die.
times that i would take a blade to every bit of exposed skin
burn my hair one strand at a time
smoke to die
rip my nails from their cozy beds
and let the sheets of blood flow from the line
but there are also times when i wish to live.
times that i wanted to be that kid
who lived life to the fullest it could be
who smoked to enjoy it
and ran outside in the winter
just to feel the cold
to feel.
the overwhelming part of these two sides of me
is that i want neither
more than the other.