It's hard.
Knowing that I might wake up tomorrow,
Or any of these coming days
Without my mom is really hard.

It’s the holiday season.
Christmas is going to ****.
I'm honestly dreading waking up and not being able to run to her room
And see her smile as she rolls over to say, “Good morning and Merry Christmas, Matthew!”
And then spending Christmas morning together as a family.
I'm scared that I won't ever be able to do that again.

I have never been this scared in my entire life.

She smiled at me when I walked into the hospital room today.
It was the first time I've seen her smile in a month almost.
It was hardly a smile.
And it caused her to wince.
But I still saw a little bit of happiness.

How does a boy come to terms with the fact that his mom might die?
I don't know.
I guess I'll just keep telling myself she's gonna be okay
And try to go on one more day.