Lately I have been hanging your voice on my wall. It came in ten different frames, and I spent hours adjusting them until they hugged the wall at the perfect angle, their gilded bodies pressing against painted emptiness, whitewashed space.
And when I feel nostalgia twining around my veins like wild ivy, I only need to reach out and –
“Hello. My name is –“ “Hello. My name –“ “Hello. (Stop.) My. (Stop.) Name. (Stop.) Is. (Stop.)” “Hellomynameis –“ Do you remember that? Did you know my hands shook, that I tripped over words like I do with miniscule cracks in the sidewalk, that my heart stuttered thumpthump thu thump thuuump thumpthumpthump and how it hasn’t quite been the same ever since?
“I love you.” “I love (rewind) – love (rewind) – I love (rewind)– love (rewind)– I love you.” “I love –“ “Iloveyou.” You thought you could pry me open and tear down my walls and then suddenly you did. It only took three words to start a hurricane in my heart. Did you ever notice the aftermath, the broken homes and homeless souls? I am still rebuilding.
I hammered this one into my soul, can still feel the echo of your words pounding away in my bones: “Goodbye.” “Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.” “Good…(clickclickclick)… bye.”