Oct 2021
When I look around this room
I realise once and for all I’ve been left behind
Where smirky faces circle around the desolate places
That more often than not occupy my mind
But I refuse to believe everybody here’s happy
Fake smiles and instant denials can only get you so far
That’s why I refuse to lose my integrity
By living a life someone else would like to map out for me
Shuffling between selfies with friendly enemies
And video calls with people I don’t recognise as family
I know I’m only invited to be kept involved
As they know deep down
At a moment’s notice I could easily lose myself to the world
Never to be seen again
Leaving a mystery that’ll forever go unsolved
Unless I fall in line onto the palm of your hand
After sliding delicately around your little finger
Conveniently and subserviently
In the hope I can coax you out of taking control of me
Even if it plays out in my mind like a futile fantasy
Where the finale always results in me being forgiven
For the atrocities I’ve yet to carry out
The one’s I’ve been planning for a lifetime
Or at least since my enlightened teenage premonition
Took a hold and became the only friend of mine
Ever since that moment I stopped getting nervous
And ended the search for love and desperate gratification
From people who only recognise beauty on the surface
As they are built so shallow and self-absorbed
That witnessing the death of my soul right in front of them
Would leave them unequivocally unperturbed
Most sane people would find that thought a little scary
So maybe I’m broken but truthfully I’m not sure
But don’t pretend you can try and fix me
I think even the notion is a little premature
Before I’ve even faced up to the reality of the situation
Although I’ll admit
I’ve been existing in a cloud of anxiety masquerading as deluded irony
Just to avoid this inevitable confrontation of my pent up frustration
That’s been growing from the day I first lay my eyes on you
And there it is
The much lauded truth
So are you happy you finally got that out of me?
Because your face suggests you were expecting this to go a little differently
So I guess I should apologise for that too
I realise once and for all I’ve been left behind
Where smirky faces circle around the desolate places
That more often than not occupy my mind
But I refuse to believe everybody here’s happy
Fake smiles and instant denials can only get you so far
That’s why I refuse to lose my integrity
By living a life someone else would like to map out for me
Shuffling between selfies with friendly enemies
And video calls with people I don’t recognise as family
I know I’m only invited to be kept involved
As they know deep down
At a moment’s notice I could easily lose myself to the world
Never to be seen again
Leaving a mystery that’ll forever go unsolved
Unless I fall in line onto the palm of your hand
After sliding delicately around your little finger
Conveniently and subserviently
In the hope I can coax you out of taking control of me
Even if it plays out in my mind like a futile fantasy
Where the finale always results in me being forgiven
For the atrocities I’ve yet to carry out
The one’s I’ve been planning for a lifetime
Or at least since my enlightened teenage premonition
Took a hold and became the only friend of mine
Ever since that moment I stopped getting nervous
And ended the search for love and desperate gratification
From people who only recognise beauty on the surface
As they are built so shallow and self-absorbed
That witnessing the death of my soul right in front of them
Would leave them unequivocally unperturbed
Most sane people would find that thought a little scary
So maybe I’m broken but truthfully I’m not sure
But don’t pretend you can try and fix me
I think even the notion is a little premature
Before I’ve even faced up to the reality of the situation
Although I’ll admit
I’ve been existing in a cloud of anxiety masquerading as deluded irony
Just to avoid this inevitable confrontation of my pent up frustration
That’s been growing from the day I first lay my eyes on you
And there it is
The much lauded truth
So are you happy you finally got that out of me?
Because your face suggests you were expecting this to go a little differently
So I guess I should apologise for that too
