We are urged to
stay home
when we feel
physically ill

When may I
stay home
when I feel
mentally ill?

A gray cloud
hangs over me

I don't wish for it to stay...

I send smiles and hearts
and exclamation marks,
but I don't feel those things
today...

The oceans within my eyes
are begging to escape
but I do not let them.

I comfort myself
when no one else
will.

I know that you are busy,
so I will go.

I no longer feel your love,
so I will go.

I wish you would
want me to stay enough
to stop me.

My hands tremble,
I wash my face with cold water,
painted blush onto my cheeks
so I look healthier
than I really feel,
I tuck my laces in,
and turn the key.

I pretend to feel like me
for four and a half hours
after three.