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Oct 2021
I'm a wannabe nerd,
trying not to be heard.
So no one notices
That I know less - than i ought to.

So I pretend;
Stare at my nonsense scribblin', waiting for logic to kick in.
And I pretend.
I prentend to understand stuff I can't comprehend.
Cos if I don't...what am I?

I'm just a stupid little fellow in a stupid little world full of stupid little people who're just afraid of getting hurt.

So we pretend. We pretend to understand things no ones able to comprehend.

I'm stuck in shame;
But who's to blame for this basic human behaviour?
What I need is a saviour. 
Who'd hear the silent voice in my head shout and help me get out.
Out of this mess and this giant hole of emptiness.

Or in the end I'm gonna die;
With the lie still on my lips.
"Yeah I know this, didn't do that"
But as a matter of fact I fact checked my reality when it started to collaps.
Caught a glimpse of what should be - what really is.
- could I show the real me?

But here I am;
Staring straight onto the paper, my view blank.
Cause what is left if I don't understand? If I can't even comprehend - this is the end.
All thats left for me is trying to pretend.
Always hiding, always hoping - for a friend.
Someone to help and guide me through 'til I repent.
And cry out: no more pretending.
'Cause YOU filled my understanding.
YOU're turning chaos into order.
YOU're love - not stopped by any border.
So no more faking, growing still.
'Cause I can't but YOU will.
Emma
Written by
Emma  22/F/Germany
(22/F/Germany)   
155
     SUDHANSHU KUMAR and ap
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