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Judith Ayers
Poems
Aug 2013
Untitled
Not everything is in past tense yet.
Viewers have come and gone but the church is almost full and we sit tight.
I know moms mind runs with memories
she tells us in the car.
too tall for life.
too big to lose.
the preacher said
45 to 2.
and the car crash
spinning glass
Johnny flew out the window
Steve couldn’t speak for weeks
The other boy didn’t die in that car crash
Another one
on the road out of port deposit
his leather belt was all they found
a stern warning to us all. Don’t drive too fast. This life will stop you short. too short.
I think they all would have survived, happy together
if there was no car crash.
no noon call
no bloodied limbs
torn flesh and empty bodies.
No “this is the biggest funeral we’ve ever seen” and state police escort to the cemetery.
No stuffing foods down moms throat and too many strangers in her home.
They would have all survived.
in spite of pop pop
nanny
together but separate.
Mom remembers when he came into her room
livid
she got close to the 4 pained window
if he reached out and stung her sweating skin she was gonna bust out that glass and touch the sky.
But instead I haven’t seen my cousins in 20 years
my whole life
and today, despite the tears and tongue crunching agony, there’s stories of the happy through the tears times.
So the preacher finishes with stories of her
too much love to live
too much faith to finish
Nanny
always Nanny
But until we meet.
We’ll make you proud.
you and mom
dust to dust
ashes to ashes
I hold the faces of the past in my blood
You keep me pumping
you keep me pushing
despite tears and tongue crushing agony
despite too broad grins and sunshine in summer joy
Written by
Judith Ayers
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